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Whinning

Don’t want to sound like I am whinning, but in short it is a pretty rough day for me. I have told my story quite a few times already, in short here is the summary. Woke up early in the morning, went throught 3 hours of stressful P.Eng exam. Back home to pick up my car, found someone tried to break into my car. The lock at the driver’s door is broken, have to get into the car from the passenager seat. Went to work, file insurance claims, work till 10p.m. to make up the hours I took off in the morning. On my way home, got a call from Pat and I walked Charlie with her. I feel like I had just spoken all thing things in one long breath of air.

I suppose to feel free since the P.Eng exam is now done, although I still have to wait 8 weeks for the result. I may pass, I may fail, but that’s outside of my control. Just like the time when I finish my thesis defense and my ski instructor license, I suppose to feel free and relax, but I found myself already engaged into the next goal. Life seems to be so busy, but if I take a step back and look, it seems I havn’t done much really. In buddism wisdom, a man is trouble free when he wants nothing. My troubles is that there are too many things I want. Not just material things, which in some sense is not a real problem. Since it can be simplified into one single problem, money. The non-material things I search for is much harder to satisfy. In fact, I think it can’t be fully satisfy in theory. Should I just be a mindless hippy, so I don’t have to strive to be a great person? Maybe I can find a way to repackage sloppiness with buddist mind and become a hippy monk.

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