Monthly Archives: September 2008

Daily Scribble

100 pieces of paper to get before you die

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I am reading the news about the author of the book “100 things to do before you die” has passed away.  The title of his book catch my eyes, so I went to amazon and check it out.  The book is about 100 places, festivals and events one should see in his life.  I am not a very cultural person, I am not interest in most of those events.  Why would I want to see some stupid festival in Africa or South America.  A few sports or fun events such as F1 racing or Nobel prize is quite attractive though.  Merely seeing things is meaningless unless you can get something out of the experience.  Most of those events will only contribute to your photo album and cocktail party chats.

Yet this books give me an idea.  Over our life time, we have to write exams, get license, acquire many pieces of paper that prove our existence.  I should write a book about “100 pieces of paper to get before you die”.  It should not be too hard to elaborate on each entry, talk about the benefits and justify the why you have to get it for a few pages.  That would make a nice little book.  Oh! Well! I can’t came up with 100 items, I can only think of half of them.  Here is my list (not in order) so far:

  1. Birth certificate
  2. High school diploma
  3. Bachelor degree
  4. Master degree
  5. Ph.D degree
  6. Grade certification of any musical instruction (paino, violin, etc.)
  7. Driver license
  8. Driver license for motor bike
  9. Private pilot license
  10. Sky diving license
  11. Paragliding license
  12. Hang gliding license
  13. Motor boat operator license
  14. Sailing certificate
  15. Yachting certificate
  16. Scuba diving license (PADI, etc)
  17. Any sport instructor license (Ski, snowboard, golfing, etc.)
  18. Marriage certificate
  19. Birth certificate of your children
  20. Passport
  21. Baptism certificate (or any spiritual certificate)
  22. Firearm license
  23. Hunting license
  24. Fishing license
  25. Any second language proficiency exam certificate
  26. Mensa membership
  27. Membership of any political party
  28. Professional designation or trade certificate
  29. PMP
  30. MBA
  31. Equity or bonds (stock certification)
  32. Any awarded scholarship
  33. Any sport award
  34. Credit card
  35. Library card
  36. DNA map
  37. Ticket of a cruise
  38. Ticket of a major sport event (World Cup, Olympic, etc)
  39. Ticket to outer space
  40. Will
  41. Toastmaster
  42. First aid certificate
  43. Life saving certificate
  44. Patent
  45. Property ownership
  46. Six Sigma
  47. Write a book
  48. Take a master piece of photo
  49. Any martial art belts (Karate, King Fu, etc)

Strictly speaking, you don’t get the last piece of paper before you die, you get it after you die – the death certificate.  Any suggestion to add to the list?

Daily Scribble

A cruel practical joke

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I just pulled off a Here is a very cruel but harmless practical joke on my friend today.  We went to have dessert after dinner and chatted for a long time.  When we are about to leave, my friend really want to go to the washroom.  Unfortunately the dessert place has no washroom, so I asked whether he can hold on until we go to a McDonald or gas station.  He said he really have to go, so we look for washroom in the shopping mall next to the dessert place.  It is quite late, so the mall is half closed.  We managed to sneak inside and locate the washroom.  I walked first, so naturally I grab the door handle of the washroom for him.  Out of the blue, I decide to pull a practical joke on my friend.  I pretend the door is locked and fake trying very hard to open the door.  It is so funny to see the look of my friend.  I think he almost at point of no return that he can no longer hold it anymore.  If I didn’t tell him at once the door is actually not locked, I think he could have peed in his pant.  Oh!  Yeah. I waited quite some time outside the washroom for him to finish his business.

Daily Scribble

India round 2

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This year I really travel a lot.  I went back to HK last Christmas, then I went to India twice in Spring.  I just come back from my honey in Rome and Mediterranean, now I am preparing to go to India again.  I have been kinda expecting to go back to India.  Thing is not going so well with the project.  My Indian guys are not as productivity as we want them to be.  It is just a matter of time before I have to go back and shake thing up.  The boss has just announced a delay, so it is probably the time to go back and get the Indian guys in shape.  Moreover, there are quite a few new hire since I came back, it is always good to know the face of your subordinate.

India still sucks.  No one is really looking forward to go there.  Everyone come back with their version of horror stories.  On the bright side, I only have to go there for 2 weeks.  I had experienced the culture shock, so I can be productive once I get there and overcome the jet lag.  The boss promised me extra bonus last time, but the extra bonus I got is less than my dinner bill in India, so there ain’t much incentive going to India.  I have seen more than enough India from my last trip.  I had already used my Indian quota for the next 10 years.  I am not really excited going there this time.  Whatever have to get done has to get done.  I have to go to India or my work won’t get done.  The only positive thing about this trip is that I can stop over Hong Kong on my way back for a weekend to visit my grandma.

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Be Kind Rewind 低清老翻王

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02be_kind_rewind_poster.jpg 原本坐長途飛機有幾十套新舊電影可供選擇﹐ 我竟然給獨立媒體的一篇文章誤導了﹐浪費了個多小時看這套無聊兼白痴的《低清老翻王》。這套電影的故事很有創意﹐片頭頗為吸引﹐可惜內容卻完全是另一回事。話說一間拍烏蠅錄影帶店的店長外去﹐把店子留下給一黑一白的古怪二人組打理。因為某些超自然現像﹐所有錄影帶離奇失效變成播雪花。黑白二人組沒有錢重新入貨﹐為留著僅餘的忠心客人﹐他們決定自己重拍客人想租的經典電影。他們粗製濫造的老翻電影意外地大受歡迎﹐口啤一傳十﹐十傳百﹐影帶店門外排滿想租帶的客人﹐每個人也想他們重拍一套屬於自己的經典老翻電影。

片頭中見黑白二人組惡搞 《捉鬼敢死隊》﹐《火併時速》﹐《火併時速》﹐《鐵甲威龍》等多齣經典電影。他們只有一台爛攝錄機﹐隨手拿來癈物利用當道具﹐最抵死是用紙板作特技效果。他們的老翻電影簡陋馬虎﹐妙在仍然忠於原作的經典場面﹐向熟識原作的觀眾開玩笑。雖然戲中的老翻電影是宣傳重點﹐戲中其實沒有多少套老翻電影﹐最精彩的鏡頭在片頭已經全部看過了。這套電影的主線是很老土的濫溫情﹐浪漫化與時代脫節的舊式影帶店。無論影帶店如何頑抗DVD的潮流﹐抗拒轉型去迎合市場需要的小商店﹐最終也不能阻擋歷史的洪流。諷刺是這套電影歌頌錄影帶店的人情味﹐自已卻完全擁抱DVD的主流市場﹐索性連錄影帶版本也不發售。

電影中最後黑白二人組不再拍老翻﹐聯用小鎮上的居民一起拍齣完全屬於自己的電影。本來這個結局勉強可以接受﹐豈料他們選錯了電影的題材﹐拍攝最沉悶的記錄片﹐講述一個明不經傳小人物的人生。作為最後高潮的戲中戲﹐與前段老翻電影的惹笑相比﹐這套低成本記錄片讓觀眾大跌眼鏡。更要命是在他們原創電影中﹐那個在當地薄有名氣的小人物的生平﹐大半是居民刻意杜撰出來。戲中有個小鎮的居民還說﹐小鎮的歷史是屬於他們的﹐他們有權改寫自己的歷史。他們毫不尊重歷史客觀性的態度﹐只求自己開心過癮便擅自改寫歷史﹐那麼他們與《一九八四》的真理局有什麼分別。

這齣電影本身平平無奇﹐不過借電影宣傳之手聯同Youtube﹐精心策劃出一個老翻熱潮。導演更為老翻創造了一新的英文字Swede﹐鼓勵網上同好自已動手拍攝老翻﹐並上載到Youtbue參加老翻王大賽。老實說﹐那些上載參賽的老翻短片比《低清老翻王》精彩多了﹐識我豈在電腦前看了整個晚上。最搞笑是老翻《低清老翻王》的短片﹐正是老翻人片者﹐人亦老翻其片也。

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Iron Man 鐵甲奇俠

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Iron Man 今年暑假檔期有兩套動作猛片﹐不約而同也是改篇自漫畫。兩劇的超級英雄的背景竟然離奇地相似﹐都是沒有超能力的超級富豪﹐用科技和金錢去彌補超能力先天性的不足。《蝙蝠俠》最新一集我還未看﹐不過對於這個長壽電影系列﹐相信觀眾也不會感到陌生。《鐵甲奇俠》則是初次搬上大銀幕﹐電腦特技和打鬥場面是大片格局。從純官能刺激和劇中笑位去衡量﹐這套電影經過完美商業計算﹐沒有什麼可以挑剔的地方。可惜故事落入公式俗套﹐英雄先落難再來個大翻身﹐一邊叫世界和平口號一邊打壞人﹐又是一齣不要動腦筋的爆谷電影。

驟眼看上去﹐鐵甲奇俠和蝙蝠俠﹐屬同一類的超級英雄。在兩者之間﹐我比較喜歡鐵甲奇俠。可能我是工程司的關係﹐鐵甲奇俠自己研究開發戰衣﹐比蝙蝠俠用錢買高科技武器﹐更讓人敬佩。鐵甲奇俠的敵人是恐佈份子﹐活躍於世界舞台之上﹐是隊只有一個人的維和部隊。蝙蝙俠的敵人是變態犯罪﹐目標只是找他們入獄﹐他不過是葛咸市的後備警察﹐格局比鐵甲奇俠差太遠了。在裝備上鐵甲奇俠也更勝一籌﹐不論機動力論戰力﹐鐵甲奇俠可以輕易以一敵百﹐連F-22戰機也可以輕易幹掉。蝙蝠俠的戰車基本上只是交通工具﹐戰衣和武器大多數中看不中用﹐常常要與壞人埋身肉搏﹐打得既危險又辛苦。鐵甲奇俠唯一及不上蝙蝠俠的地方﹐就是他欠缺一個旗鼓相當的敵人。蝙蝠俠之所以好看﹐很大部份歸功於奸角的出色設計。牡丹雖好還需綠葉扶持﹐鐵甲奇俠沒有強大對手襯托﹐只能一個人唱獨腳戲﹐自然沒有蝙蝠俠唱雙簧般精彩。

鐵甲奇俠最好看的不是爆炸打鬥﹐而是看主角如何製造他的無敵戰衣。第一代戰衣很粗糙﹐被恐怖份子綁架期間﹐用癈棄軍用物資左湊右併出來。這件戰衣醜陋但逼真﹐武器不過是臨時安上去的噴火槍和小型導彈﹐機動力只有輔助跳躍的火箭﹐雖跨張但不失可信性。第二代戰衣已從真實系飛躍到超級系﹐安在心口那個無限能源發電機﹐還及不上既可以浮空﹐又可以作能量射擊的掌心雷神奇。至少觀眾看到心口發電機如何發明﹐掌心雷則忽然間不知從什麼地方變戲法出來。不過主角學飛那一段很抵死有趣﹐超級英雄原來也要實習當學神。第三代戰衣外觀與第二代沒有大分別﹐不過顏色轉了物料改用鈦合金。嚴格來說﹐鐵甲奇俠的戰衣已經不是用鐵造﹐他應不應該轉用個更準確反映事實的名字﹐不叫鐵甲奇俠改叫鈦甲奇俠呢。