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confession

I went to confession this morning. It’s the first time I confess in regular church confession hours instead of the unformal confession in the yearly church camp. I have to confess all sins because I am taking theLife in Spirit Seminar, and in order to receive the holy spirit this friday I have to make lots of preparation. I had recite prayers everyday. I’m afraid I have recited more prayers in the past week than I had in my whole life. (Well… prayers in school doesn’t count) I don’t really know what the LSS will lead me to, but one thing I’m pretty sure is that I don’t want to be yet another lame charismatic christians I look down on. It would be cool if God can turn me into a new hybrid of charismatic and liberal christian. Isn’t it an interesting use of tongue to drive the reform and progress of the church instead of clinging to the old days?

skiing

Today I had my second run with my new ski. It’s great! I feel much better this time than last time, I guess my boots is settling in and my muscles is more used to the ski motions. It’s a bit unusal that today only four of us went to Whistler, and all of us are pretty good skiiers! Without being drag down by the slower boarders and girls, we are able to conquer both Black Comb and Whistler mountain in one day. It’s a great accompishment for myself. The only drawback is the snow condition is not perfect, there are some icy runs in the middle of the mountain. Very satisfying and tired today, gota sleep now.

project management

In macrosopic level, after the forth round laid off last week and mass exodus followed by the end of ESPP period, the company is in totall disarray. There are many projects seriously under resources and they have to cancell other projects in order to staff them. In microsopic level, after rushed to finish the vector I assignmed to do yesterday, I thought I can catch my breath and take some easy time until the project tape out. Suddenly I got drafted to deal with another road-block vector today. The work should be done 2 weeks ago and everybody simply ignore it until the last minute. When something breaks, they just put more people to rush it throught. What’s the use of the CEO peaching the ideals from “Good to Great”, if everyone underneath is doing otherwise? Sigh… Now I have to work O.T. this sunday.

dream

Last night I had a weird dream. In the dream Pat was told she is not ready to baptised in the Life in the Spirit yet. I thought probably I’m not ready if she is not. Then I was told I’m ok and asked to be Pat’s sponser.

blog

I don’t quite like the idea of blogging a few years back then. I thinked homepage is a homepage, dairy is a dairy, journal is a journal; what’s the point of mixing them up? Gradually more anad more people keep their own blog and I sorta change my attitude towards it. Finally I came to a point realizing blog just as a CMS (content management system) to keep track of daily writing, and decided to join the dark side of bloggers. I just installed this blog system, WordPress, after seeing a live demo from my friend. I hope to write something down everyday as a way to my dump mind. So that I don’t have to dump it to JuJu over our daily phone call and bored her to complain about my uninteresting talks

2004加西後感

wccclc04

不知不覺間﹐已經去了加西五年了。由當初的什麼也不懂的小朋友﹐變為神父口中的老鬼。今年原本不打算再去了﹐但不知何解女朋友在這幾個月﹐忽然開始對信仰熱心起來﹐結果今年又給她捉了入營。對於入營我倒也沒有什麼所謂﹐當是陪她去見見教會的朋友﹐把自己從日常生活中抽離﹐在長週未間外遊輕鬆一下。

由於今年一開始就不打算參加﹐所以也沒有幫手去搞加西。只是以一個普通參加者身份﹐最多是幫手做些搬搬抬抬的粗重工夫。這樣反而沒有了從責任而來壓力﹐比起以住幾年當組長時﹐要心掛掛組員對加西感受﹐今年在營中就樂得清閒了。

雖說沒有了要以身作則的期望﹐不過人老了就沒有以前玩很那樣放了。再者今年我開始發覺自己﹐與年紀細的那些小朋友有代溝了。不是他們不受我玩﹐而是我不再對他們玩的事有興趣了。想當年第一次去加西時﹐和一大班人玩通宵不願睡覺。去年我成為房中第二個早睡的人﹐今年我就榮升為在房中最早睡覺的那位了。大慨老人家是要早些睡眠吧。

最早去加西時有一大半是為識女仔﹐後來雖然我真在加西結識了女朋友。每了去加西還是會忍不住眼﹐去看看有什麼漂亮的妹妹仔。但今年不知是人老了﹐還是給女朋友馴服了﹐連看妹妹仔的興緻也沒有了﹐更不用說問名字拿聯絡了。反而我對給別人忽略的那一群比較有興趣。我大慨暗營中唯一一個﹐和主教帶來的那個菲律賓神父交話的人了。

如以住幾年一樣﹐我對來加西的神父十分有興趣﹐一有機會就捉著他說話。以前我還會有些想神父給我指點迷律的心態﹐但今年就完全沒有了﹐只是想知到多一些事情﹐看看神父的看法和我的有什麼不同。今年加西的講者是周守仁神父﹐他隸屬耶穌會﹐在華仁畫院教了幾年書﹐現在在哈佛讀博士學位﹐是一位很有趣的神父。很開心的﹐我在星期六有機會找他做了個長告解﹐另外還和他同桌吃了兩餐飯﹐該應比其他人聽得更多道理了。

今年講道的主題是自由與公義﹐這題目對於一些新入營的小朋友是艱深了點﹐不過神父講道的手法則頗吸引﹐常常引用魔戒作為例子﹐小朋友就算不太明白當中道理﹐也應該不會覺很沉悶。其實要在魔戒發現聖經的道理一點也不難﹐魔戒的主題本身就深受天主教想思的影響﹐誰叫Tolkien本人是虔誠的天主教徒呢。

周神父師承耶蘇會的一貫作風﹐思想開明自由絕不保守。他在自由與公義的衡量上﹐題出以人的良心作為最終是依據﹐而不是盲目的從教會或世俗的權威。不得不佩服的﹐是他有膽色就同性戀或墮胎的問題上﹐輕描淡寫的帶出了自由派的觀點。當然在加西這兒講道是不可以太過極端﹐道理之上少不了加上一層天主教認許的包裝紙﹐不知有多少人聽了後﹐會去思考其中深層的意義呢。

Taize是加西的例牌重點節目﹐今年Schola找了我讀經﹐於是我和Choir一起坐。坐很這樣近就不好意思打瞌睡﹐結果今次Taize我倒老老實實的祈禱。在入營前女朋友對我提起我以前女友的事﹐說我對她還有心結還恨她。我在Taize中為這件事想了又想﹐也沒有得出什麼結論﹐不過不知怎樣的﹐我發現自己原來很害怕孤獨﹐算是有一點收獲吧。

就這樣沒有在任何超出預料﹐四天三夜的加西生活營就完結了。今年我對加西本沒有什麼特別的期望﹐沒有以前那樣在靈性上有什麼重大的改變。反而在這幾天清閒的日子中﹐我了解了自己和女朋友多一些。以及以邊觀者的身份﹐看到了加西群體中一些我平時忽略了的事情。今年的加西比前兩年更成功﹐重要的是能夠引起新入來的那班小朋友﹐對加西和信仰的興趣。今年在營中沒有以住兩年那樣嚴格﹐不再不準那班小朋友輕鬆娛樂一下。於是今年加西就多了些生氣活力﹐而小朋友們之間的關係也比以前融恰得多。當OC的什麼事情也要管﹐還不如OC只給一個大方向﹐就放手讓下面的人自己搞掂。很行貨的也要說一句﹐加西是由聖神而不是由OC帶領﹐讓每一個人心中的聖神去工作才最有效率。

去年已經說過今年不會去﹐結果又去了。今年也說明年不會去﹐不知明年又會如何呢﹖希望明年可以成行去World Youth Day﹐去完World Youth Day﹐再看看有沒有心情去加西吧﹐說不定又會給女朋友捉入營。不過如果真的成行去了WYD﹐入到加西向別人吹水﹐分享德國之行倒也頗過癮。

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