workplan

Today is a rough day for me. First I went to Whistler with Chris early in the morning and the condition is not very good. The mountain is very foggy with low visibility, the snow at the top is ok but down in the middle is all slushy, even worse it’s raining close to the bottom of the Red Chair. I had a good time with Chris despise of the poor condition, as I havn’t ski with him for past two years. Moreover, it’s great to have someone you can talk to. Then I had my deutsch stunde in the evening. Ich still spreiche kein flussig deutsch. Sigh…

When I was skiing today, somehow I realized how much time I had wasted in downloading and watching BTs, checking out toys websites, reading meaningless articles in chatboard. With rough calcuation, I estimated I had wasted on average 10-15 hours a week, with the time I wasted in janurary and febuary, I could have get my thesis half completed. Thus I had came up with a 200 hours workplan for my thesis. My goal is to spent 200 hours working in my thesis over the next 2 months. The workplan will be divided into 3 hours sessions and I will force myself to concentrate by staying offline and not answering any phone calls. In each session I have to write at least half a page that contribute towards my thesis or at least some code fragments for my simulation. The workplan officially start tomorrow with 2 sessions, followed 3 sessions on friday and saturday each. In a normal week, I will have 1 session on sunday, monday and tuesday each, and 2 sessions on saturday (except go to ski). My goal is to keep up with my workplan and stay away from the temptation of those time wasting activities. I have been praying to the Holy Spirit for the gift of strength and stewardmanship to complete this single most important task in my life for the time being.

depression

Depression used to be a foreign concept to me, I don’t remember I feel really unhappy for an extended persion of time since the I have memory. Just somehow I don’t feel right for the past week and it getting worse, probably the worst today. Last time when I feel sad was when I got dumped by my ex-girlfriend in university days, but this timing the feeling is different. I can explain what happened back then and I’m totally aware what I was doing and allow it to happen. This time just that I can’t really jusitify my sadness, and can’t really figure out the cause of it. I have several clues but none of them or even all of them combined seems bad enough to turn me down like this. I’m looking forward to have a great day of ski in Whistler tomorrow, as my 5 days vacation begins. Hope I’ll feel better tomorrow.