When I am reading many journal papers this afternoon, I was wondering how many of those research paper are actually practical in reality? It seems many of them are just like my thesis, they are written for the sake of being written. I can’t convince myself what I am working on has any research value, rather it seems I’m just playing in a sand box, building my own version of overly simplifed reality. I guess that’s the difference between me and a true academic.
Tonight in the Life in the Spirit Seminar, for a moment I thought I had received the gift of interpreting tongues. I was a bit shocked and excited when I hear plain English during the tongue prayer. It turn out that it is a false alarm, the person actually did insert English into the prayer. What a bummer.
This afternoon when I got so tried in studying, I re-arranged my toy display a little bit. I transformed and posed my Optimus Prime from truck mode to robot mode. I found a sense of peace in my toys, they makes me temporary forget all my worries and stress, and feel like being a child. The Bible says only those who are like children can go to heaven. I think having toy collecting as hobbies will bring one closer to salvation.
I finally start working on my thesis today, I had written the introduction section so far. It’s a good start. I found it quite hard for myselt to concentrate on doing one thing. There is always a urge to do something else and I have to fight hard against it. Actually concentration is not only a must in study, it also needed in playing badminton. Today during the game, I found that when I’m concentrate, I can get the birdy with much more accurately. However, my concentration ran out after I got tired in the first two game. Keep up the hard work and carry on my 200 hours workplan.
Today is a rough day for me. First I went to Whistler with Chris early in the morning and the condition is not very good. The mountain is very foggy with low visibility, the snow at the top is ok but down in the middle is all slushy, even worse it’s raining close to the bottom of the Red Chair. I had a good time with Chris despise of the poor condition, as I havn’t ski with him for past two years. Moreover, it’s great to have someone you can talk to. Then I had my deutsch stunde in the evening. Ich still spreiche kein flussig deutsch. Sigh…
When I was skiing today, somehow I realized how much time I had wasted in downloading and watching BTs, checking out toys websites, reading meaningless articles in chatboard. With rough calcuation, I estimated I had wasted on average 10-15 hours a week, with the time I wasted in janurary and febuary, I could have get my thesis half completed. Thus I had came up with a 200 hours workplan for my thesis. My goal is to spent 200 hours working in my thesis over the next 2 months. The workplan will be divided into 3 hours sessions and I will force myself to concentrate by staying offline and not answering any phone calls. In each session I have to write at least half a page that contribute towards my thesis or at least some code fragments for my simulation. The workplan officially start tomorrow with 2 sessions, followed 3 sessions on friday and saturday each. In a normal week, I will have 1 session on sunday, monday and tuesday each, and 2 sessions on saturday (except go to ski). My goal is to keep up with my workplan and stay away from the temptation of those time wasting activities. I have been praying to the Holy Spirit for the gift of strength and stewardmanship to complete this single most important task in my life for the time being.
Depression used to be a foreign concept to me, I don’t remember I feel really unhappy for an extended persion of time since the I have memory. Just somehow I don’t feel right for the past week and it getting worse, probably the worst today. Last time when I feel sad was when I got dumped by my ex-girlfriend in university days, but this timing the feeling is different. I can explain what happened back then and I’m totally aware what I was doing and allow it to happen. This time just that I can’t really jusitify my sadness, and can’t really figure out the cause of it. I have several clues but none of them or even all of them combined seems bad enough to turn me down like this. I’m looking forward to have a great day of ski in Whistler tomorrow, as my 5 days vacation begins. Hope I’ll feel better tomorrow.
I think I am having the problem of procrastination. I just keep delay the work I have to do until the last minute, and already not follow the schedule I set up myself. As I’m reading in the Zen and the Art of Motercycle Maintenance, the root cause can be due to anxiety, anxious to get the work done well and end up not starting on it. I think I should have just do it, don’t think too much on how good or bad it will be at the end. Mmm… I should also pray to the Holy Spirit for changes on my lack of discipline too. Hope the baptize in the Holy Spirit from last week really work and will change me to a better person.
I had a pretty relaxing weekend. Originally I planned to go to Whistler with Pat to try out her new snowboard, but at the end my friends planed the ski trip. So I end up stay here in Vancouver and have a date with Pat. We went to lunch, movie, then dinner yesterday, and church and had a hair cut today. My new hair style is pretty short, looks kinda weird. We also tried out the new shaved ice place in Aberdeen center, quite tasty, very different from normal shaved ice. Highly recommanded.
Several things happened today. We had the tape-out party in the afternoon, the whole team went to play go-cart. It is the at usual go-cart place I go in Richmond. We have 24 people and the final race is divided into 3 groups. My speed is fast enough to make it to the first division. At one point I’s holding the second place, and ready to over take the first guy. Unfortunately, I got ramped, felt muscle stress in my left leg and have to slow down. Anyways, it’s pretty fun.
Tonight I went to the LLS with Pat, and it is the night of baptized by the holy spirit. During the pray over session, people fell down as seen in TV. I’m not one of them, and I’m a bit disappointed as I did spent time to read the novenas in the past week. Pat had fell and relax on the floor for quite a long time. The only thing I felt was I had breathed in some really cool air. Maybe that’s already the holy spirit, or maybe I’m just insulate to it, God knows.
I left my bag tonight at ice-cream shop. Hope the shop had kept it and waiting for me to pick it up.
Ahh… Choo… Somehow I just keep sneezing all night tongiht, after I had a single badminton game with Edwin. I try to control my sneeze during the game and got my eyes all watery. The worst part is that you can feel your nose is very itchy but somehow you just can’t sneeze it out. Without kleenex make the situation worse as I keep sniffling to stop my snivel dropping out. It isn’t fun at all. I guess I’ll go to sleep early tonight after a cup of hot neo-critus, hope I’ll be fine when I wake up the next morning.
Today I had to make a presentation at work. I found I rally lack presentation skill. For the whole time I just read straight out from the materials I had prepared. Don’t even mention my poor pronounciation when I got nervious. At least I feel more comfortable preparing the slide this time, probably thanks to my newly acquired writing habit. I guess the only way to improve is to pratice more. I should volunteer for presentations even though the topics maybe quite meaningless. Someone said toast master is a really great way to practice public speaking, too bad I don’t have time to join these club at the moment. Maybe I should check them out when I get myself more organized.