My Wedding

I am officially a married man.  Horace and Patricia has become one under the witness of over 200 families and friends.  The wedding is very successful, thanks to the helps from our good friends.  I don’t want to repeat my wedding speech again in the blog, but I must say thank you to those who have helped us one more time.  It is great to see all of my good friends to celebrate my biggest day in life with me.  Many of them come from far away, some even just stay for a few days.  We had good time and able to catch up with each other before the wedding.

The wedding is very well planned, down to time resolution in 15 minutes.  However, Murphy’s Law always rules.  Thing is working pretty well in the morning.  Except no one knows I had a stomachache due to too nervous.  I have to ask my best man drove me to McDonald’s for a washroom break before the the door opening game begins.  I don’t think asking to use the washroom in Pat’s house would work.  The morning photo session is pretty fun, we have lots of group pictures with the groomsmen and bridesmaids.  Everyting seems running so smooth that we were able to arrive early in the church.

Probably none of the guests notice, the church ceremony is really off schedule and liturgically wrong in a few places.  Too bad that there is another wedding right after ours, so we were literally kicked out from the church.  We did not get enough time to have group photos.  Luckily, we were able to make it up in the banquet.  Those group photo are most boring photo in a wedding anyways.  It is more like a record of who has shown up.  So consolidate group photos into bigger groups to speed things up wasn’t really a big lost.  We planned another photo session in Stanley Park between church and banquet.  In the original plan, the wedding party will tag along too.  We are running short of time, so we decide to take more couple pictures instead of group shots.  The groomsmen and bridesmaids went straight to the restaurant to setup.  They got some rest and with just us and the photographers, we were able to take photos quite efficiently.  It is important to have take engagement photo with the same photographers, so that we know how to work with each other on the wedding day.

I am really tired at the banquet.  We have good MC and wedding planner, so the banquet runs pretty well.  I just have to follow the instruction.  I don’t have to think too much.   It seems my brain has shut down and I am just react with subconscious reflections.  We have some silly games in the wedding.   One of the game is hiding the groom.  It is the first break I have since the morning.  I was hiding quite relaxingly at the table in the far corner.  That table is full of Pat’s high school friends, the girls could not finish the dishes, so I can share some food.  I was enjoying a chicken leg when Pat finally found me.  After the banquet, we have another challenge.  We received lots of gifts, some of the gifts are in huge boxes.  I love gifts in general, but some gifts I got simply shows the giver has no common sense.  For example, I got a huge fancy garbage bin.  It is nice, but it is inconvenient to bring to the restaurant in the first place.  Did the giver ever think about how could I possible move it home?  Luckily my groomsmen are really good friends, although it’s pretty late after the banquet, they still helped me to bring the gifts home.  It takes three cars to load all the gifts.

I will write a more detail blog entry about my wedding experience when I have more time to digest it.  There are so many things happening in the wedding day.  I could use some quiet time in my honey moon trip to think over it when I am sun bathing on the deck of a cruise ship.

My wedding slide show:

T minus one

T minus one and counting.  Only one more day from my big day.  Things are piling up.  I already passed the point I feel nervous or pressured.  I simply could not feel anything.  Tonight, my groomsmen and bridesmaids met and have dinner together.  It is the first time the whole group is gathering in one place.

We had done the church  rehearsal, it’s funny that the guy who conduct our rehearsal seems even more stressful than we are.  He lost his temper over some silly questions, yelled at us and have to walk to the side to clam himself down.  Maybe I simply have the talent to push people over the edge, or maybe he is just nuts. The only thing important in the church is the entry, the exchange of the ring and the exit.  Who cares about the liturgy, no one knows the “correct” way anyways.  If we screwed up and missed some steps, as long as we improvise on the spot, no one will notice.

Traditional Vancouver special style wedding requires lots of work and co-oridination.  I am glad that we have lots of good friend helping us out.  With their help, we are in reasonably good shape.  I stronger suggest those who are about to get marry, consider keeping it simply.  Travel wedding just with the family and a few close friends would be much easier.

PHIL280 Existentialism 存在主義哲學

 Existentialism 原本這個學期不打算修讀哲學﹐一來剛從印度流放兩個月回來﹐二來要忙於籌備婚禮。想不到存在主義今個學期編在晚間上課﹐心想若錯過了這次機會﹐大學不知何時才會再開班。看看課程簡介﹐沒有大考只有中期試﹐兩篇二千字的功課﹐還有10%計堂上表現。若果對成績要求不高﹐應該不會很花時間﹐於是便報了名再算﹐讀不上時最多放棄。結果不需要花太時間﹐除了每星期當作消遺閱讀課文外﹐考試只讀了三個小時﹐每編功課也只用了一個晚上完成。成績單還未派發﹐不過從已知的分數推論﹐大慨只有C等的成績﹐勉強合格取得學分。

存在主義本身很雜亂無章﹐沒有完全整的系統或定義﹐有些存在主義哲學家是無神論者﹐有些則是有神論者。課文選讀幾位存在主義哲學家的作品﹐包括尼采 (Nietzsche)開始﹐祈克果(Kierkegaard)﹐沙特(Sartre)﹐馬色爾(Marcel)和卡繆(Camus)。在讀存在主義之前﹐我與大部份一知半解的人一樣﹐對存在主義有很大誤解﹐以為存在主義的思想很負面﹐是個常常討論死亡的虛無主義。其實存在主義是對理性主義批判﹐推翻理性主義世界有客觀真理的說法﹐因為人類只能憑主觀經驗去認識世界。人們當失去習以為常的客觀真理後﹐就會如腳踏不到地面般迷失﹐跌入虛無主義的深淵。存在主義指出理性主義的虛無﹐並嘗試提供另一套思想系統﹐把人們從虛無中拯救出來。存在主義反對理性思維﹐所以很少有傳統哲學的嚴緊推論﹐亦沒有反覆推敲的論証﹐思想多數透過文學作品展現出來。

傳統哲學認為世界有客觀的真理﹐不論這個真理是源於神﹐還是源於形而上的世界觀。存在主義則持相反意見﹐認為客觀真理並不存在﹐真理只是存在於人的主觀認知。尼采是無神論存在主義者﹐他高呼上帝已死﹐人類沒有律法的約束﹐因而擁有絕對的自由。祈克果則保持相信有神﹐只是說神不能用理性去證明﹐嘗試去證明神存在只會徒勞﹐他認為人需要信心的一躍﹐繞過理性去相信神。他認為信仰並不是跟隨教會的信條﹐也不是盲目地相信聖經﹐而是在於與神建立感性的關係。在傳統的哲學如柏拉圖思想中﹐人是有一個人應有的模樣﹐人生的意義是客觀存在﹐我們只是要去尋找發現出來。存在主義則認為人的存在先於本質﹐人生的意義是通過人的決定創造出來﹐而人的本質並不是一些外在的規範﹐而是在於人擁有可以作出自由決定的意識。

雖然人擁有絕對的自由﹐可是人並不想要絕對的自由帶來的責任。人會借助宗教﹐借助神﹐ 借助世俗權威﹐逃避自己作出重要的決定﹐欺騙自己只需要跟隨既定的真理就可以。沙特指出這是自欺欺人的藉口﹐因為人借助任何的外在權威本身﹐就已經是一個自由意志的決定。所以人不能以跟隨律法或規條來逃避責任﹐每一個人也要為自己所作的事情負上全部責任。在外在壓力底下﹐很多人會用沒有選擇作為藉口﹐沙特只出人並不是完全地沒有選擇﹐人永遠也可以選擇死亡。若果人沒有選擇死亡﹐則代表他已是自願選擇那看似唯一的決定﹐因此不論最終的情況如何﹐他也要為自己身處的世界負上全部責任。絕對自由帶來的絕對責任﹐是份沉重得叫人喘不過氣的包伏。因此存在主義者認為自由不是祝福﹐而是人類受到的一個詛咒。

由於人類沒有任何外在的指引﹐可以作為教導我們應該如何作出決定的明燈。人類像是在漆黑的深淵上﹐沒有任何承托凌空飄浮著﹐足不著地的感覺叫人不安害怕。人類又像在大海中的小舟﹐四週也看不到陸地的蹤影。理性主義的客觀真理﹐就如給人有踏實感的陸地﹐而存在主義則指出﹐這個陸地從來不曾存在過﹐只不過人欺騙自己以為自己站在陸地上。對於人失去理性依靠而產生的失落感﹐存在主義提出的答案﹐是人應該要擁抱自由﹐並勇於承擔隨之而來的責任。我們應該要慎重地作出每一個決定﹐不要讓自己在日後後悔當天的決定。存在主義認為人生的意義在於今生今世﹐不要為死後的世界或來世的生命而活。不過存在主義解答不到最關鍵的問題﹐我們應該如何作出決定﹐如何分辨正確和錯誤的選擇。在傳統哲學中﹐人可以藉助理性或形上真理作決定的基礎。存在主義不接受對錯有客觀標準﹐只說人要相信自己的內在價值﹐在如何決擇的問題上沒有實際的幫助。

存在主義哲學與傳統哲學不同﹐傳統哲學是探找真理的學問﹐儘管不同哲學傳統對真理的詮譯不同﹐但並否定哲學是通過真理之道。存在主義則比較像中國哲學﹐並不是要為真理這個問題﹐找出一套完整和有系統性的答案﹐而是在說一套做人的道理。我認為存在主義並不完整﹐不能解答世界的終極問題﹐但在局部性的處境情況下﹐不失為一個可以幫助我們思考的工具箱。中國人也許會不喜歡存在主義常常把死亡掛在口邊﹐也有些人會誤解存在主義鼓勵人去尋死﹐不懂得愛惜生命。其實存在主義的死亡觀很正面﹐想通最後大不了也是一死。讓人對死亡不再感到恐懼﹐反而可以沒後顧地豁出去﹐積極地面對生活的難題。

Bachelor Party

If you are walking down Vancouver downtown at night, seeing a group of guys with one weirdly dressed guy, don’t be afraid.  They are not crazy.  They are just having a bachelor party.  It seems this is the tradition in Vancouver.  Last night I had my bachelor party and I met at least 3 other groups of bachelor parties.  One guy is dressed as WWE whestler with a mark, one guy is in a cow girl outfit, one guy is a princess with a crown.  I dressed as a Hawaii girl.  Sorry guys, the photos are off the record.  I am not going to post any pictures of my bachelor party and I will not write about what have I done.  The secret of bachelor party is for guys only.

The Machine Girl 機關槍少女

The Machine Girl 當一套電影爛得很徹抵﹐反過會因為太爛所以好看。當鏡頭過份血腥時﹐反過來會因為荒謬而好笑。《機關槍少少》是一部徹頭徹尾的爛片﹐不要期待任何故事﹐任何動作場面的設計。這部電影的唯一賣點就是夠爛﹐非常惡搞七十年代的忍者片﹐想像得到和超乎想像的道具和情節統統出場。這部不是科幻血腥恐怖動作電影﹐而是一部超低能勁搞笑的大爛片。

那這電影有什麼好看﹖水手服美少女裝上機關槍義枝﹐替被殺害的幫弟弟仇報﹐大戰山口組忍者家族。不夠﹖有斬手斬腳血漿像開水喉狂噴﹐人頭火鍋﹐手指壽司﹐手臂天婦羅。依然不夠﹖還有機關槍掃到身體開洞﹐掃淨到下副骷髏骨﹐忍者飛標把頭顱打橫切三份﹐電鋸將人劈開兩半﹐血滴子凌空取人首級﹐電鑽奶罩愛的擁抱。還想要多些﹖載美式足球面具的刺客﹐要擺姿勢才出擊的忍者三人組﹐當然少不了衣服在打鬥時會無端割破或暴裂的美女。還記不記得以前的北斗之拳﹐壞人中招後臨死前會講幾句野﹐才忽然爆開狂噴鮮血倒地。這套電影的暴力情程也差不多﹐只不過這是真人版那套是卡通。

電影內容無謂說了﹐對白行貨到不能夠再行貨﹐ 四十年前或許會叫人很熱血。想不到編劇真夠膽寫出這個劇本﹐把四十年的舊貨掘出來循理再用﹐要要所有樣板對白應有盡有。當主角一本正經地說暴力不是解決問題的方法﹐一邊用機關槍屠殺壞人﹐又或者喊生喊死地講情義﹐奸人講忍者家族榮譽時﹐我真的笑了出來﹐或者其實讓人發笑才是導演的原意。若果你可以無視劇本的合理性﹐人體的正常生理構造﹐很明顯穿崩的特技鏡頭﹐你就可以很歡樂暢快地欣賞這齣電影。不妨上Youtube找預告片看﹐看過後若果你認為可以接受﹐你應該會很喜歡這類極端惡搞作品。

Olympic Opening

August 8th, 2008 is the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympic Games.  Due to the time zone difference, the opening starts at 5a.m. Vancouver time.  I am too lazy to get up in the morning to watch the opening show.  I heard from friends and news that the show is really great through out the day.  So after I got home, I go to youtube to see what have I missed.  I don’t know it is because I have too much expectation from the word of mouths, not watching it live, watching a 2″ video or the combination of the above.  I am not impressed by the opening show at all.

The firework is pretty cool, the LCD scroll is pretty neat, but the rest is quite cheesy.  The show is quite repetitive, every chapter is more or less the same, thousands of people doing some routine act together in synchronize steps.  No dispute that those volunteers spent lots of time to practice for tonight’s show.  I admire their effort but I also laugh at their stupidity.  Routine tasks are best done by robots.  It make no sense for thousands of people wasting time to practice for a show.  It would be more efficient to build a thousand robots to perform the act.  You don’t need any practice, you just have to upload the same software to every robot and you are guarantee to have a perfect synchronize show.

生日隨想

每個人每年也有一個特別日子﹐這個日子就是生日。正確點來說﹐生日是指出生的那一日﹐所以生日應該正名為出生紀念日才對。年紀大了對生日越來越沒有感覺﹐這天除了很多人和你說生日快樂外﹐與其他要返工的日子沒有大分別。晚上外出吃飯慶祝生日﹐今年特別些原本想去吃齋﹐去到竟然發現餐廳逢週三休息﹐結果改去酒樓吃了一頓很普通的晚飯。今年生日值得一提的地方﹐是有個身在海外的老朋友﹐打長途電話給我唱生日歌。以前她是我們公司的御用生日歌星﹐每個人生日也會點唱。不過自從她離開公司後﹐我們失去生日會的色彩﹐變成只是食餐好點的午飯。

自細我對生日也沒有很大感覺﹐可能屋企人對生日不太重視。我對父母賣生日禮物的期望﹐大於對生日本身的期望﹐長大不大一歲﹐反正感覺也差不多。印象中小時候我沒有搞過生日派對﹐細個我很羨慕其他小朋友﹐可以在麥當奴開生日會。到現在這還是一個童年情意結﹐不過咁大個人去麥當奴叔叔生日會很醜怪﹐還留待將來給我的孩子搞吧。我先天對雞蛋敏感﹐所以在發明雪榚蛋榚之前﹐我從來沒有機會切蛋榚吹蠟蠋﹐大慨這是我生日意識簿弱的原因吧。

上到大學後我的生日意識漸強﹐因為我發現了生日的功用價值。生日是一個成班朋友約出來玩的最佳藉口﹐那個時候不論是誰的生日﹐節目一律卡啦OK唱歌飲酒。其實有沒有人生日也是這樣玩﹐不過有人生日出師有名﹐會玩得比較開心瘋狂。生日的第二個功用價值﹐是用來發動追女仔攻勢。在生日在一般人心中是個特別的日子﹐你約會心儀的女生一起過生日﹐其實已是在明示暗示你對她有意思。如果她又肯答應赴約的話﹐那等同發放一個很正面的訊息﹐那麼追求成功在望。後來有拍拖之後﹐我堅持生日正日一定要過二人世界﹐與朋友開生日派對可以在週未搞﹐生日兩個人去吃西餐很浪漫。大慨是因為小時候過生日時﹐父母也會帶我去吃西餐﹐下意識認定生日應該要吃西餐。

午夜十二點的鐘聲敲起﹐標誌著新一天的來臨﹐亦代表生日的完結。生日前一天是很平凡的一天﹐生日後一天也是很平凡的一天﹐那生日這天又有什麼特別之處呢﹖若果生日的意義在於吃大餐切蛋榚收禮物﹐那究竟生日做特別的事所以特別﹐還是生日那天很特別﹐才會做平常不會做的事。三十一歲零三百六十四天﹐與三十二歲零一天相比﹐真的有分別嗎﹖

Idiocracy 蠢蛋進化論

Idiocracy 導演Mike Judge曾經為我們帶來經典喜劇Office Space﹐令我對《蠢蛋進化論》充滿期望。若果你喜歡白痴低能的笑料﹐這套電影保證可以令你開懷大笑﹐影片開宗名義販賣低級趣味。可是若果你認為這套電影只是單純的好好笑﹐那麼你正正就是這影片在諷刺的對象。這套電影的市場定位很矛盾﹐一方面它的賣點是低能笑料﹐另一方面它又批判美國的反智文化﹐好像當觀眾犯賤要人鬧。不知什麼原因這套電影沒有在戲院上映﹐猜想可能是戲中得罪了太多大公司﹐連出錢投資的霍士電影也敢惡搞醜化﹐給看不順眼的權貴使橫手封殺了。正如當年Office Space一樣﹐這是一部很慢熱的電影﹐悄悄地流入DVD市場後﹐竟然吸引很多擁躉支持﹐被追捧為新一代Cult片的典範。

電影的故事很簡單﹐話說一個平凡到無可再平凡的軍人 ﹐聯同一個臨時拉夫的妓女﹐參加軍方的人工冬眠實驗。怎料實驗出了點意外﹐醒來時已是五百年後的世界。話說根據進化論物競天擇﹐人類在沒有天敵的情況下﹐聰明人不一定有進化上的優勢。聰明人太過擔心下一代﹐大太多不願多生小孩子﹐智商低的人卻不停製造小孩。於是經過幾百年的進化後﹐地球人的平均智商不斷下降﹐全部人類皆成為反智的大白痴。我們兩位主角只有智商一百﹐卻已經是五百年後世界上最聰明的人。電影的白痴反智末來社會很跨張﹐摔角冠軍當上美國總統﹐人人滿口半英不英的低俗街頭語言﹐沒有人會深入思考事物的因果關係﹐只懂重覆廣告口號當作理據。娛樂全是屎尿屁的有味笑話﹐暴力色情被商業化通俗化﹐五百年後最受歡迎的電視節目比Jack Ass更低能﹐只不過是名演員在各種不同情景下﹐有理無理地被擊中下體要害。以前其他低俗笑片的橋段﹐多是出自白痴在正常社會中發生的事情。這套電影則笑位完全顛覆過來﹐講正常人在白痴社會中發生的事情。最後主角運用正常人的智慧﹐避過重重追捕逃出生天﹐還順著解救世界糧食危機﹐成為下一任美國總統。不過地球的危機似乎沒有解決﹐主角兩公婆生了三個小孩﹐不過他的白痴朋友卻生夠十幾個。

不要以為這套電影描寫的未來太過荒謬 ﹐某程度上只是我們時下生活的寫照﹐把流行的反智文化放大再放大﹐假設全世界都變成反智白痴會怎樣。電影中未來世界那些白痴行為﹐正是社會上低級文化自以為很酷很有型的表現。不需要看得很遠﹐在任何一間美國中學﹐也可以找到這樣的反智文化。懂思考勤力讀書的人不受歡迎﹐只是被人取笑的書愷子怪人。白痴低能的足球隊啦啦隊員﹐喜歡問味低級的黑人文化和潮流文化﹐才能夠在學校成為最受觀迎的風頭人物。正如電影中所說﹐基因科技應該可以補救智商不足的先天缺陷﹐偏偏藥廠卻把大量資源﹐投放在研究陽萎和禿頭的治療上。放眼看現今世界的情況﹐其實不比電影的未世影像好不了多少。對世界最沒有貢戲的演員歌手運動員﹐賺錢比科學家醫生教師多很多倍。有多少學子將成長後的志願﹐與發明開拓或傳遽知識有關的行業﹐又有多學生整天在發明星球星夢﹐又或者只想從商錢滾錢。當社會上眾人也以白痴低俗為榮﹐為不學無術而沾沾自喜時﹐也許這套電影正在對人類的未來當頭捧喝。相對比全球暖化環境污染的問題﹐全球白痴化的反智風潮還更加叫人可怕呢。至少我們可以冀望科技倡明﹐有天可以解決環保問題﹐但人蠢最終必定招帶來人類絕種之路。

Worst Karaoke in Vancouver – Fantacity

Pat want to go to Karaoke with her bridesmaids in downtown before the wedding.  She read from Geogria Striaght that Fantacity in Thurlow and Alberni is one of the “best” place to hang out in the evening.  So we went there to check it out today.  It is the my worst karaoke experience ever.  Here are the seven deadly sins of Fantacity.

1.  It is a Korean Karaoke!  It has some very old Chinese songs and a few English songs.  I just can’t find any the songs I like to sing.

2. They don’t use original MTV for the songs.  I have no idea where they get their karaoke disc with random travel or natural life footage with funny MIDI music.  You just can’t sing without a decent background music.

3.  The AV equipment sucks.  They are still using CRT TV.  Come on, even advertisment in toilet use LCD these days.  The sound system is crap, I keep hearing funny cracks from the speakers.

4. Song entry system form the 80’s.  You have to find the song from a binder, then enter the 6 digit code.  Worst of all, the system has zero buffer.  You can only enter a new song after the current song is finish.

5.  It’s not cheap.  It costs me $50 for 2 hours.

6.  It is stinky.  I can smell the bleach they use to clean the floor.

7.  Zero service.  We were there for two hours, but no one ever come to asked us whether I would like to order anything to drink or to eat.

This karaoke is so bad that it is already added to to my black listed.  It frustrated me so much that I paid them zero tips.  The moral of this story is that never trust any reviews from any free newspaper.

哲學功課﹕ Critique of Freedom and Responsibility

跟法國哲學家沙特博鬥了六個小時﹐終於完了存在主義哲學的學期終功課。這課上半個學期主力教尼采﹐令我對存在主義留下沒有多少良好印象。幸好下半學期教祈克果﹐沙特﹐卡繆﹐才令我不致認為存在主義是完全的垃圾。我一直以為自己是理性主義者﹐想不到自己很多思法卻與存在主義有淵源。甚至日常生活中很多視為理所當然的慨念﹐特別是在自助心理書藉的基礎觀點﹐原來很多是出於存在主義﹐而非啟蒙時代的理性主義。

原來除了尼采的文章是完全的垃圾外﹐其他存在主義哲學家的文章也有可取之處。祈克果提出神導存在主義﹐主張人與神建立個人關係﹐強調信仰的非理性本質﹐需要信心一躍﹐其實說得頗為中聽。信心一躍的真正意義﹐並不是指像基督教般盲目地相信不可信的事情﹐而是指信仰不應以理性作為根據。那麼基督教常常強調聖經合乎歷史和科學﹐正正就犯了用理性去合理化信仰的毛病。

讀沙特有點像讀柏拉圖的感覺﹐沙特的存在主義哲學自成一個系統﹐一環緊扣一環﹐很難從中間一點切入去推翻。存在主義核心思想是存在先於本質。人的本質並不是先駙性地存在﹐是能通過人的決定去創造出來。人擁有無限的自由﹐而從自由衍生出來的責任﹐則沉重得讓人喘不過氣來。儘管我不認同存在主義推翻客觀真理﹐認為真理只能主觀地存在﹐沙特的哲學卻給我很多啟發﹐讓我從一個嶄新的角度去衡量世界。可能存在主義並不是如嚴緊的傳統哲學般﹐能夠為我們找出世界的終極答案。但我認為存在主義是一個很有用的思考工具箱﹐當不講求價值觀的完整性﹐只求解決眼前問題時﹐拿出來很快捷方便好用。

 

Critique of Freedom and Responsibility

In this essay, I will discuss Sartre’s idea on freedom and responsibility. I will first outline Sartre’s argument about freedom is a burden. Then I will criticize his thoughts based on his existentialism philosophy and show freedom is not necessary a burden.

Sartre said, “We are condemned to be free carries the weight of the whole world on our shoulder.” (E: P.251) We are entirely responsible for the world created by ourselves; we cannot blame it on others. Every one of us must choose himself; but by that we also mean that in choosing for himself he chooses for all men (E: P.208). We cannot escape from our responsibility by claiming shelter from authority, whether it is in the form of the government or God. Sartre said it is our choice to follow other people’s orders; therefore we are responsible for the consequence of the orders we followed. We cannot escape from our responsibility by claiming we did not do it. Sartre said inaction is also a choice we choose; therefore we should be responsibility for our lack of action. We cannot escape from our responsibility by claiming we did not ask for it. Sartre said we always have an alternative to dessert or commit suicide, therefore we chose this world and we are responsible for it. In the end, Sartre thinks we have no excuses to escape from our responsibility. Once we realize that we are abandonment to choose freely and take up the responsibilities of our choice, we will feel anguish. Most of us will flee anguish in bad faith.

Sartre used the following example to illustrate the burden of freedom. If I am mobilized in a war, this war is my war, it is in my image and I deserve it. (E: P.252) I must take the full responsibility of the war, because I choose to be part of it. It is my choice that I enlisted and fight the enemy, instead of getting out of it by deserting or committing suicide. I may find many excuses for not getting out of it, such as good opinion of my relatives, the honor of my family, etc. I am in fact choosing those values over the value of refusal to join the way. I keep choosing it again and again until the end of the war for not quitting the war half way. Therefore Sartre said, “In war there are no innocent victims”. During the years of war, I choose this life that makes me day after day. The war is mine because by the sole fact that it arises in a situation which I cause to be. (E: P.253) Choosing war does not mean that I can take a recess from my responsibility elsewhere, such as in marriage, family or professional life. I cannot blame anyone but myself if the time I served in the war going to be empty years. No matter what situation I am in, I must be without remorse or regrets as I am without excuse. I carry the weight of the world by myself alone without anything or any other person being able to lighten it. (E: P.254) I cannot flee the anguish by assuming the role of merely being a soldier. This is bad faith according to Sartre. I am a conscious being-for-itself. I am cannot objectify myself into a role of soldier that is being-in-itself. It is my choice to become a soldier and participate in this war; therefore I have the war I deserve.

I think Sartre’s argument about freedom is a burden is based on a false premise. He misunderstands the meaning of responsibility. He takes the word “responsibility” in the sense as “consciousness of being the incontestable author of an event or of an object” (E: P.252). However, in ordinary sense, responsibility is a duty we are required to fulfill. Merely causing something to happen is not responsible for that thing in ordinary sense. Responsibility is about something we ought to do. Even we have a free choice to do otherwise; we should still do what is required out of our responsibility. We are only responsible for something if we are liable or accountably for that thing. For example, I can choose to have a vanilla ice-cream or chocolate ice-cream, but I am not responsible for the fact that I have vanilla ice-cream but not chocolate ice-cream since I don’t have any obligation on which favor of ice-cream I should choose. In traditional philosophy, the responsibility of man comes from morality, from God, from authority, or from deduced by our reason. In Sartre’s existentialism philosophy, he rejects any objective truth. He rejects the existence of God, he rejected the logics and reason and he rejects authority. Then we must ask ourselves, where our responsibility comes from if there is no one imposes any duty on us. Responsibility itself is a human value. It does not exist until we choose to create it. In this sense, an object or a being-in-itself is responsible for causing something to happen because it is what happened in the world, it has no choice. A subject or a being-for-itself is not responsible for anything unless he choose to accept the responsibility. There is a gap of nothingness exists between the world and the consciousness. Whatever happen to the world has no relationship to our consciousness unless we choose to allow it affect our consciousness. In short, if we have absolute freedom as Sartre suggested, then we should have the freedom to choose not accepting any responsibility.

Let us use Sartre’s example as an illustration. In his example, say I am mobilized in a war and this is my war and I am responsible for it. I may think I have obligation as a citizen to join the army and defense my country. I may also think I have family responsibility prevent me from joining the army, stay home and take care of my family. However in existentialism, if I reflect on what is my responsibility, I find any ground instruct me to war or not to war. Since I am not obligate to anything, I am free to choose one way or another. Choosing to war does not imply I have to take the responsibility, since the responsibility is not there to begin with. In order to take the responsibility of the war, I must first choose to create it out of nothingness in my consciousness. Since I am absolutely free, I have the choice of not creating the responsibility in the first place. Since I have no responsibility whatsoever to begin with, I no longer have the problem of feeling anguish for continuously choosing to war. Choosing to war or not to war is just like choosing between vanilla ice-cream and chocolate ice-cream. Although I may not like the outcome of the world, I have no duty to dessert or to suicide. Just like it is not my responsibility to war, it is also not my responsibility not to war. Yes, I still have no excuses to escape from my responsibility. However I don’t need any excuses, since I never choose to take on any responsibility. I am innocent in the beginning and I can choose to keep it this way. The problem of Sartre is that he is not aware that he chose to take the responsibilities. He chooses to think he has a duty to his family and he also has a duty to his country. When the two duties are mutually exclusive, it is logically impossible to go to war and not go to war at the same time. He feels the burden of freedom because of contradicting responsibilities. In order to flee the anguish; he has to find a way to escape from the monster named responsibility. Yet he does not release this monster is his own creation. Freedom is only a burden if you choose it to be a burden.

Sartre may argue that making a choice of not taking any responsibility is still a bad faith in disguise in order to flee anguish. According to Sartre, anguish is the realization that there is no necessity in my life. My life is a system of values sustained in being only by my choice of sustaining it. I am the one who give values to everything around me in order to determine my reaction to those things. Once I have the consciousness of my freedom, I will have the sensation of groundlessness and experience the anguish of being the source of my own values. Then Sartre further explains most people flee anguish in bad faith. Bad faith is a form of self-deception, trying to tell lies to myself. However it is impossible because I cannot hide it from myself if I already process it. In the example above, Sartre may say I deny my responsibility of war is a bad faith because I objectify myself as a thing with no responsibility. My response to Sartre is that there is no necessity in my life including anguish. Anguish is not a necessity of my life, it is merely a choice. If my freedom reveals my value is groundlessness, what is the big deal? I am not acting in bad faith either. In order to be in bad faith, first of all you must know it and then lie about it to yourself. What if I don’t even care about the truthfulness of it? I simply create it out of nothingness that fits whatever purpose I desire it to be. There is no true or false in the subject of matters, so no lies involve. I cannot lie about something that I do not know about. Therefore I cannot be in bad faith if I don’t know whether or not the war is my responsibility. Contrary to Sartre’s view, it is in fact a bad faith to take up the responsibility of going to war. By taking up the responsibility, I am role-playing the role of man and unavoidability take up the responsibility of being a man. If I have absolute freedom, I should be free not to be a man. I am free to be just myself with no responsibility or anguish which attached to the role of man. I am what I am.

In conclusion, Sartre underestimated the true meaning of freedom. He did not question what is anguish? What is bad faith? What is responsibility? He thinks he all the guardrails of his system of value collapse, there is no necessity in this system. He forgot that he is still bounded by his system of existentialism, so he is not truly free. In the state of absolute freedom, man can choose not to accept anguish, not to accept any responsibility, not to know about anything that may lead to bad faith. Freedom is not a burden, because man is free to choose not having any burden.