How to buy a gun

This is a speech prepared for the Toastmaster humorous speech contest.

A woman walked into a gun shop and said to the shop keeper, “I would like to buy a gun for my husband.” The woman said she don’t know much about guns and ask for some advice. The shop keeper then asked her, “What type of guns your husband likes?” The woman said, “Are you kidding? He doesn’t even know I am going to shoot him!”

Mr. Chair, fellow Toastmasters, when you walk into a gun shop, you don’t to be as clueless as the woman in the story. Today I am going to give you some tips on how to buy a gun.

First you decide what type of guns you want to buy by asking yourself what targets are you going to shoot? Paper target, sports clay, wild games or your mother in law. You need to buy the right gun for the right target. Rifles for far away target, handguns for close combat, and shotguns for anything that flies.

Buying guns is like buying shoes, you have to try it out to find the one that fits you. You may have to try out many guns before finding one that is comfortable to use. Pick up the gun, pretend you are Bruce Willis in Die Hard, imagine you are fighting a group of terrorist. You want to make sure your gun feels like an natural extension of your hand at all time.

The next tips is specially for the ladies or any fashionable gentlemen. Guns come in different colors, such as black polyester, dark blue steel finish, shiny silver nickel finish, fine-wood walnut finish, marine camouflage in different shades of green. You may want to pick a gun that matches your dressing style. When you are holding a gun, how cool you look is as important as how good you shoot.

Last time when I went to the gun shop, I overheard a conversation between two hunters. The first hunter asked the second one, “Why do you hunt without bullets?” The second hunter replied, “It is much cheaper and the result are the same.” I am sure my fellow Toastmasters are much better shooters than the second hunter, so you may want to buy some bullets. Buying bullets require some delicate knowledge, you have to know how to read numbers. All you have to do is read the caliber marking on the gun and find the bullets that match the number.

A single bullet is not expensive, but if you plan to do lots of shooting, the ammunition bill may add up quite high.  Do you know that you can get bullets in every day low price at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart carries a huge selection of bullets. If you buy in bulk, you may even get volume discount.

Let me ask you a question. What will you do if you catch you teenager son buying dirty magazines? I will tell him buying dirty magazines is wrong, because it may jam your gun. In a gun shop, a magazine is not something for you to read, it is something that holds extra bullets. It is always wise to have a few spare magazine with you. You don’t want to find yourself run out of ammo in the middle of a shooting.

Now you have buy your gun, some bullets and a few magazine. You are ready to shoot. But wait a second, let me tell you a real story of how not to use a gun. In 1990, a Seattle man named David Zaback got a gun from the black market. He decided to turn make some quick bucks. He walked in to shop, pointed his gun at the shop keeper and ask for money. However, he made a big mistake, he picked to the wrong shop. He was trying to rob a gun store! He was shot dead right on the spot by the shop keeper and other customers. Remember, don’t do stupid things with your gun. Happy Shooting.

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